How to deal with a Creepy Guy on tour

There may come a time when you need to avoid a Creepy Guy while on tour. You can spot him quite easily because he displays the following behaviours:

> pays you just a little too much attention and compliments you just a little too insincerely;

> remembers details of conversations you had days ago;

> constantly and continually follows you around OR magically appears from nowhere when you are away from the main group to follow you around;

> uses “grooming” techniques to try and manufacture a “connection”;

> uses any excuse to ingratiate himself by appearing “kind” and “thoughtful” e.g. offer you water, check your air conditioning, buy you an ice cream or a coffee;

> is much too polite and courteous so as to paint himself in a positive light;

> calls your hotel room (and you haven’t given him your room number) asking you to “hang out”, eventually taking no for an answer;

> really only talks to single women within an age range (say 18-50), and more or less ignores everyone else;

> chooses to ignore any hints that you don’t want anything to do with him.

Any of the above, coupled with your intuition i.e. he makes your skin crawl or stomach churn whenever he is in close proximity tells you you are dealing with a Creepy Guy.

Creepy Guy will not take a hint that his attentions are unwelcome, because he is completely lacking in empathy. Creepy Guy is quite probably a sociopath. To get rid of Creepy Guy, be prepared to embark on a program of escalation.

Step 1: Ignore and avoid

This step should be enacted as soon as you realise you are dealing with a Creepy Guy (usually on Day One or Two), and be maintained for the duration of the tour. If he talks to you, ignore him, walk away, or talk to someone else. Wherever he is, locate yourself elsewhere. Ensure you eat with others, and there is no room for him at the table, or arrive later and seat yourself away from him. Ditto on any bus, train, tram, boat, or excursion. Stay as far away from him as possible, and do not engage. Tell other passengers that you are having a problem with his behaviour. Nine times out of ten someone else has noticed it too.

Step 2) Be EXTREMELY rude

Unfortunately, just ignoring and avoiding a Creepy Guy generally won’t deter him. He counts on his politeness and courteous behaviour as a disincentive to curtail his advances. After all, it’s socially difficult – even taboo – to be rude to someone who is polite to you, and he depends on this to sustain his contact with you. If you are EXTREMELY rude to him, and he still continues his advances, proceed to Step 3.

Step 3) Tell him in no uncertain terms to fuck the hell off

This is where you have to be blunt. Very blunt. Be brutally honest: tell him you don’t like him, you don’t want him anywhere near you, and to stay away. I know, I know: you don’t like having to do this. But trust me on this: if you don’t perform this final step, Creepy Guy will continue to harass you throughout the duration of the tour. He will protest that he has done nothing wrong, or ask you what he has done wrong, or even apologise for whatever it is he has done wrong. Do not engage. This a ploy to continue his predatory behaviour.

Step 4) Ensure your room is nowhere near his and he does not know your room number

Enacting Step 3 will generally be enough for Creepy Guy to give up. You can also have more peace of mind by ensuring he is not located near you, or knows where your room is. You may need to make this clear to your Tour Director, and alert them to the situation, if you haven’t already. Check also your tour company’s harassment policy, and invoke it if necessary.

The best thing (if there is a best thing!) is that once the tour had finished you won’t see Creepy Guy ever again. If you are worried about further contact, don’t give out your email address when there is a general request to share contact details at the end of the tour.

Unfortunately, Creepy Guy will make your tour uncomfortable and unpleasant because you are forced to change your behaviour and the activities you engage in to manage the situation. However, the sooner you deal with the situation the better, because he won’t just go away.

13 Comments

  • Bookabye Baby October 4, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    Sounds like a nightmare, m’dear. Glad you go with your instinct and are a strong enough woman to tell him to fuck the hell off! Stay safe xxx

    Reply
    • dileeshus October 5, 2013 at 3:14 am

      My instincts are pretty sharp, Melsy, as you know. Took me a morning to work out something wasn’t quite right, then another day or so of escalation to remove him from my dance space. Will lose him in Athens for good, because he’s not doing the cruise part of that tour. I just pretend he doesn’t exist, and it’s all good!

      Reply
  • Gary Lum October 5, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Sounds horrendous. I hope the rest of the tour is creep-free.

    Reply
    • dileeshus October 5, 2013 at 1:19 pm

      It’s all under control, Gary. Looking forward to the cruise part, because Creepy Guy will not be on it.

      Reply
  • Land tour of Greece: highlights and lowlights | The Travelling Homebody October 6, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    […] The Travelling Homebody The travel blog of Diane Lee « How to deal with a Creepy Guy on tour […]

    Reply
  • georginabarnett October 8, 2013 at 9:29 am

    Is this the same creepy guy we heard about before, or is this another one from the first tour?

    Reply
    • dileeshus October 8, 2013 at 6:26 pm

      Different Creepy Guy. The one on the other tour was just a tool, and easily dealt with!

      Reply
  • Some people should never be issued with passports | The Travelling Homebody October 13, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    […] me? As if being harassed on my tour of Greece wasn’t enough, I unfortunately had to share my airport transfer with an Older Idiotic […]

    Reply
  • It's not me, it's you - Diane Lee June 22, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    […] and words match up. It’s like a force field, allowing the right people in, and keeping creeps, assholes, pricks and fuckwits at bay. It allows me to “try on” people with relative […]

    Reply
  • The pact I'm making with myself - Diane Lee December 13, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    […] (I didn’t recognise a sociopath once, but that’s because I’d never met one. Now I can spot one at 50 paces). It’s a survival skill that has been honed and sharpened and polished to the point that I […]

    Reply
  • Life's disappointments (Part 1) - Diane Lee December 13, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    […] from those invaluable life skills that only travel can teach you like keeping cool in a crisis, dealing with sociopaths and seeing wonderful, breathtaking, amazing, crazy, heartbreaking […]

    Reply
  • 3 things I learned in 2013 - Diane Lee December 13, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    […] for it. This year, I was chatted up in a mosque by a handsome Turk in Bursa. I was stalked by a Texan sociopath in Greece. Last week, I had a casual encounter with a man I barely knew after we bonded over tequila shots in […]

    Reply

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: